You look like you could use a coach.
I now offer 5 valuable coaching services, including parental sarcasm, book coaching, and hiking snobbery.
As I touched on in my last post, the miracle that is generative AI may well make many of the services I offer my clients as a copywriter obsolete within the next two weeks several years. But as many people informed me when I shared that piece on LinkedIn, where it went kinda viral, I need to adapt, lest I be trampled under the wheels of progress!
O progress! That great and wonderful and not at all morally complex thing to which we must all bow! We are powerless in the face of it, and therefore we must embrace it wholly and without question—economic, cultural, spiritual, and environmental consequences be damned!
Srsly, tho. I get it. AI is here to stay. It’s going to transform the work world completely over the next few years, across every industry, and we have no idea what that’s going to look like. I, for one, am not thrilled about this, but what can I do?
So, in the spirit of not ending up having to be a cashier at Trader Joe’s—not that there’s anything wrong with that; I’d just end up eating way too many of their crackers—I’ve decided that I should make the time-honored career move of the not-quite-sure-what-else-to-do: Coaching.
Yes, that’s right. I am now supplementing my writing income by offering five different coaching services (for starters). I am an enthusiastic and empathetic coach, highly skilled at helping my clients define and achieve their goals, and find greater meaning and satisfaction in the process. You’re gonna love it.
Don’t see the coaching service you need here? Please describe what you’re looking for in the comments or contact me. I may be able to help.
Dessert coaching. This is where I help you develop and execute an actionable plan for making a ton of desserts—cookies, pies, cakes, tarts, bars, puddings, etc. I’ll provide you with strategies for researching the millions of dessert recipes available, help you determine which ones to make based on what sounds good to me, and work with you to devise an ambitious yet realistic baking schedule. You’ll stay accountable to your dessert-making goals by providing me with a sample of each dessert you make at the agreed-upon deadlines. (Note: Only appropriate for people who are already really good at making desserts.)
Reading coaching. Want to read more books? Hell yes you do! I’ll help set your reading goals for the year, devise a reading schedule, and choose which books to read, based on your specific interests and preferences. For example, if you say you like “really good books” I might recommend my book and books written by my friends. I’ll help you stick to your reading plan with helpful check-ins and motivational techniques such as texting you every night at nine p.m. telling you to get the hell off Instagram and pick up a book for God’s sake. Optional: I will give you fun assignments, like making dioramas based on the books you read.
Hiking snobbery coaching. If you’re a beginner or intermediate hiker / backpacker and you’re looking to take it to the next level, I can help you with one of the most important aspects of advanced hiking and backpacking: Being insufferable. We’ll work on key skills including 1.) Grumbling under your breath at hikers who are wearing inappropriate footwear and clothing and/or don’t understand right-of-way on steep trails 2.) Describing, in detail, all of the different water filtration solutions you’ve tried, which one is the best, and how you’ll never go back. 3.) Humble-bragging about how light your pack is, yet how it’s also so carefully equipped that you could totally survive for weeks in the back country if you had to, bro.
Sarcasm coaching (for parents of teens). Let me use my five years of experience parenting teens to help you confidently channel your exasperation at your children’s idiocy into a form of “humor” that will drive them crazy while providing you with a cathartic release. In addition to helping you skillfully deploy classics like “So you’re just going to leave that right there, then?” and “Oh no. How will you ever survive?”, I’ll help you find your own voice as a sarcastic parent of teens: linguistic stylings, facial expressions, and delivery techniques that are yours and yours alone, for maximum teen annoyance.
Book coaching. Have you always wanted to write a novel or memoir, but you’re not sure how to start, where to find the time, or how to stay motivated along the way? I can help. No, seriously. I really can. Not that I can’t do those other things up there that I mentioned, especially the dessert one, but this is a kind of coaching I’ve actually already been doing for several years now. I love helping writers at any level bring their books to life, providing accountability, encouragement, troubleshooting, and hilarious anecdotes along the way. I also can provide developmental editing / editorial feedback for finished manuscripts. For the moment, I’m much better at all of this than ChatGPT is. And better looking, too. Interested? Drop me a line.
So there you have it. My 5-prong plan to avoid penury and despair as AI nudges me not-so-gently out of a job. And like I said, if there’s a form of coaching you need that I haven't mentioned, let me know! I’ll ask ChatGPT how to do it, and get back to you as soon as possible.
Oh, wait! I actually just thought of one more:
Coaching business coaching. Are you worried about the implications of AI on your ability to make a living? This is the coaching service for you. As your coaching business coach, I’ll help you parlay your unique talents into a profitable coaching business. We’ll take an inventory of your skills and strengths to help you develop your offerings, then practice your coaching skills and create a marketing plan, such as spending 20+ years building a platform through blogging, publishing, and social media engagement. Before you know it, you’ll have a thriving coaching business. NOTE: This service is not available to people who want to become dessert, reading, hiking snobbery, parental sarcasm, or book coaches. You people are on your own.
I look forward to hearing from you!
All posts on my Substack are free, but writing is how I make my living. (In addition to all the coaching, obv.) If you like what you read, please consider leaving a tip or upgrading to a paid subscription (As little as $4.16666 a month! Cheap!). Thank you as always for reading!
i could use all five of these services
Jane, your columns always make me chuckle. You bring me joy! I feel the same way you do about all this "progress" . Please keep at it -- AI can never match you.