What's up with your book?

Frequently Asked Questions about the publication process. Plus: Thawing Russian serfs and Jersey barriers.

Since I had the good, great, fortuitious and otherwise fortunate fortune to sell my new novel, The Society of Shame, back in September (woohoo!) folks have asked me lots of questions about what happens next. The publishing process is very much a mystery to non-writers, or writers who haven’t been through it before. Hell, it’s often a mystery to those of us who have. So I figured I’d pull back the curtain a little, with answers to some frequently asked questions.

Q. When can I buy your book?

A. Thank you for asking! Your question implies that you plan to buy my book! Huzzah!

Please hold that thought, though, because it’s going to be awhile. Specifically, sometime in Spring 2023.

Q. Wait, WHAT? Is it normal for it to take that long? 2023 sounds like some crazy futuristic year. How do we know human civilization as we know it will even still exist then?

A. I know. Annoyingly, it is fairly typical for there to be a one to two year lag time between when a book is accepted for publication and when it’s actually published. Smaller presses sometimes have quicker turnarounds. And if a book is super timely or immediately relevant—like, say, a biography of a recently perished celebrity (look for the definitive biography of Betty White any day now!)—that can speed up the timeline too.

As for human civilization, I think there’s an 80-90% chance it will still exist in 2023, but we will all be hotter and (even) crankier than we are now. Excellent reasons to lose onesself in books.

Q. OK, but why does it take so long? I mean, it’s just a book. It’s not, like, a satellite.

A. I know, right? It’s partly because there are a lot of steps involved in the production process—editing, copyediting, layout and design, printing, distribution, etc.—and publishers are obviously going through all of those steps for multiple books at once. But, as I understand it, the bigger reason is that publishers need a lot of lead time to build buzz and get sales reps and bookstores and media on board so that the book will actually sell. (More about that here.)

But yes, it’s a frustratingly long time. Especially since authors have often already started their next writing project by the time the last one comes out, so they’re having to promote a book that they’ve moved on from creatively and emotionally. (Bonus points if you’re about to promote a memoir about your children and then one of them gets cancer!)

Q. So, what’s happening in the process right now?

A. Welp, I just finished making my first big round of edits. A couple of months ago, my rad editor at Anchor gave me a lot of very smart feedback, ranging from “this character needs a little fleshing out” to adding Oxford commas. (YES!! Love me some Oxford commas.)

So, I went through and addressed all that, and also made lots of other little changes and corrections, getting rid of any suckage and updating pop culture references that are already out of date a year after I wrote them.

I also spent a ridiculous amount of time futzing around with dialogue tags. Should it be “Kathleen said” or “said Kathleen”? Non-writers are probably like, “aren’t they the same thing?” and the answer is yes — but NO! The choice of tag affects the rhythm of the phrase, and even the tone, slightly. I’ve been known to change them on the fly while reading aloud. (Fellow writers reading this: you feel me, right?)

Q. Was it fun / hard / boring / cool doing the edits?

A. It was, like most things involved in being a writer, a ridiculous roller coaster ride of ego. One day I’d be sailing through, thinking “This book is GENIUS! Go, me!” and the next I’d be thinking, “sweet Jesus, this is total trash,” and cringing in advance at the horrible reviews I am sure to receive.

Again, though, this is pretty much par for the course. But now I’m done. The edits are back in Anchor’s hands, and after my editor goes through them, there will likely be another pass, and then copy-editing. There’s also a legal review at some point, which should be interesting since the book has, like, a gazillion brand names and names of celebrities in it. (Sandra Bullock, Oprah Winfrey, Stephen Colbert, Anderson Cooper, Tori Spelling and Malala, to name a few.) And then the book goes into layout, and starts to look more like an actual book. (And there will be cover designs to choose from! Fun!)

At every point along the way, I’ll have to review the book again, until my eyes glaze over and I’m utterly sick of it and can’t bear to look at it anymore. But I will, neverthless, keep changing “Kathleen said”s to “said Kathleen”s and vice versa until they yank the thing out of my psychotic hands.

A. When the book comes out, will you be doing readings and signings and things at bookstores?

Q. Assuming we’re not in the grips of the COVID omega variant or a bubonic plague outbreak from diseased Russian serf corpses disinterred from the thawing Siberian permafrost, YES! On the East Coast, at least. Please come!

Q. Is your book going to be made into a movie? (Note: It’s pretty much only my children who ask this.)

A. Gosh, that would be nice. And I like to think there’s a chance it could happen. But I also like to think that one day there will be world peace. The road from book to movie or TV is a long and winding one that, most of the time, doesn’t actually go anywhere. It just stops, and there are a few of those Jersey barrier things, and you say “eh, well, it was a nice dream,” and then you get back to writing the next book. Speaking of which—

Q. But, wait, mom, if it gets made into a movie, can I be in it?

A. The chances of it getting made into a movie are very slim, sweetie. Don’t get your hopes up.

Q. I know, but if it does…

A. Yeah, I’ll see if we can write a walk-on into the contract. Can you go empty the dishwasher now, please? Love you!

Q. You were about to say something about “the next book” before your daughter interrupted you. Are you working on another book already?

A. Um. Well, I have an idea. But it hasn’t quite turned into anything resembling a book yet. Now that I’m done with the first round of edits on SoS* though, I’ll have a little time to play around with it and see if I can get any traction, as they say in the business world.

Speaking of the business world, ye olde day job is calling. And so I take off my writer hat (which is, perhaps, a jaunty beret) and fling it onto the rack in the corner, then don my copywriter hat (which is also a beret, but less jaunty) until SoS is back in my hands again.

PS — I’ve got some really awesome author interviews coming up on my show The Zeitgeist over the next few months. Follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram and/or stupid Twitter for updates and other silliness.

Upcoming books to be featured on The Zeitgeist!

*Fun acronym for my book.