Old lady rants about AI, eats gruel

People's brains are atrophying, nobody cares that generative AI is theft, and we're all going to die.

Back in March, I took myself on a little writing retreat in a woodstove-heated cabin just outside of Brattleboro, Vermont, to work on my new novel. (Which I recently sent off to my agent for feedback. Woot!) “Cabin” makes the place sound a little more rustic than it was. There was indoor plumbing, a refrigerator, etc. But I try to do my part to play to romantic notions of the writer’s life.

The l’il cabin in the woods.

One late afternoon during my stay, I went into Brattleboro, did some browsing in the shops, and headed to a local watering hole to sneak in last bit of writing over a glass of wine. (I don’t know why you don’t see more people with laptops at bars. Is it uncouth of me to do this? Am I breaking some unspoken bar rule? Because to me, it is a glorious way to spend the last hour of the workday.)

It was a tiny place, full of retro nautical-themed knicknacks and curios, which was a little odd given that we were about 100 miles inland, but OK. At one point, I overheard the bartender talking to the two other patrons in the bar about ChatGPT, and how awesome it was.

Being a middle-aged lady who has no fucks to give and no longer has any fear about inserting myself into conversations in public places (wait; I’ve sort of always done this?), when the bartender came over to ask if I wanted anything else, I made an innocent, lighthearted comment about AI being satan or something along those lines. When he asked why I felt this way, I explained that AI was chipping away at my ability to make a living as a copywriter and threatening my art-school-bound child’s hopes of being a professional illustrator. Also, it was going to make people’s brains atrophy, because they would no longer have to think.

(Be sure to sit next to me if you see me in a bar! I’m fun!)

The bartender, who was about 25, said that we—meaning humans—just had to think of AI as a “thought partner,” and that he, for one, was excited about “the post-human future.” (UGH.) He also told me that pretty much everyone he knew at his college, where he was getting his degree in something to do with AI and technology, used ChatGPT to write papers—including his girlfriend, who was majoring in English.

This was the point at which I said, yes, come to think of it, maybe I will have a second glass of wine.

After I finished it, I went back to my cabin in the woods, stoked the woodstove, made myself a bowl of watery gruel, and took my ancient bones to bed.

Hahaha. Just kidding about the gruel.

Honestly, though, I don’t think I’ve ever felt as old as I did, sitting there in that weird little bar, listening to that fresh-faced and slightly-too-confident-for-his-age-young man (who probably reads Ayn Rand—or ChatGPT summaries) talking about the glories of the coming AI age.

My friends, I am sorry to be an old poop, but I am not excited about AI, and I don’t like the way it is already starting to transform our society, culture, and economy.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been excited about it at age 25 either. I mean, I think I still would have been pissed off about the fact that generative AI is theft. (I just had to put that in bold type, because most people don’t seem to get it, or give a shit.)

Here’s what I mean: AI crawlers search the web—I picture them as creepy little robot spiders—gobbling up the work of authors, photographers, illustrators, and other creators, then remixing and regurgitating it in response to people’s queries.

Are the makers of the work asked if this is OK? Are they given credit? Are they PAID? No, no, and no. And yes, in case you were wondering: Pirated copies of all three of my published books were used to train ChatGPT and Meta AI.

What’s nuts to me is that most people don’t seem to care—even creative types. I’ve seen authors using AI to create their book covers, art directors/designers using it in their web designs, and ad agencies creating (and touting!) whole campaigns made with AI art. I guess everyone’s just cool with plagiarism? And putting artists out of work? ‘Cuz AI is free and really neat?

Apparently.

But what really rattles my ole bones about it all—and what makes me feel genuinely sad—is the fact that AI is increasingly being used in place of human intellect, creativity, and imagination. And a whole lot of people seem to be OK with this.

Certainly a lot of college students are, which is beyond depressing. Honestly, if you’re using ChatGPT to write your papers for you, what is the point of even going to college?

Writing is thinking! Rarely does someone come to the blank page with ideas or arguments or stories already fully formed in their heads, which they then simply type out. Of course not. They shape and hone their ideas—and develop new ones—through the writing process. Fun fact: the etymological root of “Essay” is from the Middle French “essai” meaning “to try” (“essayer” in modern French.) As in, to try to reason through and understand and express something—BY WRITING IT, NOT BY ASKING CHATGPT TO DO IT FOR YOU, YOU LAZY FUCKS.

Look, I’m not a total luddite. I recognize that AI is pretty damned amazing—and getting better all the time. I’m sure my hapless former ChatGPT intern, Tyler Hotchkiss, for example, has gotten much better at his job, with help from all those creepy web crawlers, and the prompts and questions users continue to feed him. In fact, he’s probably gone one to replace several hundred professional writers. They all work at Trader Joe’s now.

I also totally see how AI is an incredibly powerful tool when it comes to stuff like medical diagnoses and number crunching and research. Not to mention “automating routine tasks, freeing your employees for higher-value work.” I’ve written about this countless times in the copywriting work I do for tech companies. But one has to ask: How many of those employees will actually be kept around to do that “higher value work” and how many will end up having to work at Trader Joe’s with the writers?

Think I’m exaggerating about people starting to lose their livelihoods to AI? I’m not. It’s hitting freelancers hard, and even seems to be affecting the job market for recent college grads. And for us Gen-X creative professionals, AI is accelerating the rate at which our skills and expertise are quickly becoming obsolete—right when we’re at the height of our careers.

But hey, at least the tech bros are getting rich.

Like I said, maybe if all this had happened when I was 25, I wouldn’t be such a pessimist about it. After all, that was the age I was when the internet was starting to transform the whole media and advertising landscape. And while I can’t say I welcomed the change—because I knew it was going to have repercussions, and that certain developments were definitely not good for humanity (and because I’ve kind of been an old woman for my entire life)—I felt fully willing and able to adapt and thrive. And I was not at all worried about my ability to continue to make a living. Now, I am. In fact, I’m already having a harder time at at it than I did for the first 12 years of my freelance career.

It would, of course, be nice if I could make a living Substacking or writing books—things AI is not yet able to do well—but it’s unlikely. (Sorry to ruin those romantic notions of the writer’s life you might have. Should I talk more about the cabin with the wood stove?)

I don’t know, guys. I don’t want to be one of those grumpy people who rants about all the ways the world is going to hell. And yet…and yet…AI feels like an especially troubling technological advance—much moreso than the internet or smartphones or any of the other gamechangers I’ve seen in my lifetime.

But the horse has left the barn, and there’s nothing I can do to shove it back in. So I suppose all I can do is keep advocating for and valuing (in dollars and attention) human thought and creativity. And telling my soon-to-be-college-student kids that if they use ChatGPT, so help me god, I will not continue to pay their tuition.

And if all that becomes too dispiriting, well, I guess I’ll try to channel the optimism of my 25-year-old bartender friend, embrace the post-human future, and be the best damned Trader Joe’s employee I can be.

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All posts on my 100% human-authored Substack are free, but writing is also how I attempt to make a living, in defiance of our robot overlords. If you enjoy my work, please consider leaving a tip, upgrading to a paid subscription (As little as $4.16666 a month! Cheap!), buying my novel, or shopping for books via my affiliate store at Bookshop.org. Thank you as always for reading.

P.S. My friend Heidi Pitlor recently wrote an excellent post about the dangers of AI that you should check out.